Here are some guidelines on how to write room descriptions which
I (Hobbes) think are really good and should be followed.
It was found on rec.games-int-fiction and here goes:
===================================================================
I think one can balance eloquent prose with functional descriptions
by applying the general-to-specific rule. Infocom used this method
to great effect. Simply place all of the purely aesthetic description
at the top of the paragraph, and then narrow down to the objects
(for possible interaction) and available exits at the very end of
the paragraph. Like this:
An edge of a cliff.
This is an edge of a high rocky crag whose cascading sheets of
opaque stone descend some hundreds of feet to a raging river below.
Beyond the fulmigating waters, a dark forest scoops
up and over a small range of pert hillsides and mossy gullies.
A sparse smattering of dry scrub clings to the pockmarked rock at
your feet. Silver particles coat the brittle plant life, glinting
and scintillating in the warm afternoon sun. A small copse of
trees lies to the west, and the path continues back to the south.
Ahead of you to the north, the sheer cliff face drops off into open
air.
It's a progression from general to specific. I can also describe it
in an hierarchy, or descending order, as such:
TOP OF PARAGRAPH
4. Setting 1 - As Far As The Player Can See (cliff, river, forest, hills)
3. Setting 2 - Immediate Surroundings (cliff edge)
2. Aesthetic Objects Within The Setting (scrub and silver dust)
1. Available Directions (west to Copse, south to Cliff Path)
BOTTOM OF PARAGRAPH
=====================================================================
In other words, the first lines of a paragraph establish the setting
and any aesthetic concerns, and the information at the bottom of the
paragraph will determine how I can interact with the location and its
objects.
Having things like "You are on an edge" might not always be very
wise as you can look into another room, using a scrying device or
through eyes of another, passing through the room in a carriage or
over it on a flying system.
Notice that we have two spaces after period on Discworld.
In point 2, remember that every "real" item in the description should
have an add_item.
You should avoid narrating in the descriptions and you should not
give the picture that you, as the creator, is there. For example:
"I wouldn't hang around long in this place if I were you.", or
"It looks like a rat to me".
At the same time, you should not use things like: "You think it's
wise to follow the narrow path." Instead let the players themselves
decide what to think, do, etc.
It's sometimes easy to narrate a "story" about an npc in its
description, for example: "He isn't called Carrot because of his
hair, which his father has always cropped short for reasons of
hygiene." Now, this is okay with me in some cases, especially if
you have a GOOD joke to tell, but it should never ever be on
expense of the "real" description.
When it comes to EXITS, this order is suggested:
north, south, east, west, northeast, southwest, southeast, northwest.
simply because I think it looks best. This is also the order Deutha
suggested.
There should also be something more in the description than just
an explanation on the directions. Remember that too long
descriptions are boring. It all depends on the room, so use
your common sense.
It's important that the descriptions are... descriptive(!)
It's easy to lose interest otherwise.
Lines such as :
"You get a feeling something isn't right here"
"Seagulls fly above you making noise"
"The slippery rocks make you tremble"
that is things that refer to the player directly, can be put
in as room_chats, and the effect will usually be better.
Perhaps I should mention something about set_shorts as well.
For the people using brief mode, they should be more descriptive
/interesting/imagitive than just: "room", "shop", etc.
Here are some examples how they should be:
set_short("inside the Kart Kill Kafe");
add_property( "determinate", "" );
Result: "Inside the Kart Kill Kafe"
-----
set_short("large musty and claustrophobic cellar");
Result: "A large musty and claustrophobic cellar"
-----
set_short("Widdershins Broad Way junction outside the Ephebian Embassy");
add_property( "determinate", "the " );
Result: "The Widdershins Broad Way junction outside the Ephebian Embassy"
-----
Other examples: "The middle of Fog Alley", "Somewhere in the Shades",
"The south end of Peach Pie Street"
Notice that you just use capitals in names, ie Kart Kill Kafe and that the
first letter of the short description in capitalised automagically, so should
only use capitals if it's in a proper name.
Notice that you just use capitals in names, ie Kart Kill Kafe.
