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You spank WHO?  Eh?  How?  Naaah, you'd never.~
$n spanks the thin air with a flat hand.~
You spank $M vigorously, long and hard.  Your hand hurts.~
$n spanks $N over $s knee.  It hurts to even watch.~
$n spanks you long and hard.  You feel like a naughty child.~
Are you sure about this?  I mean, that person isn't even here!~
Hmm, not likely.~
$n slaps $mself in the backside.~