04 Mar, 2010, Hades_Kane wrote in the 1st comment:
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Hello all, it's been a while…

I'm not dead!

I hope everyone is doing well!

Back in July, my live-in girlfriend of 4 years left me. I believed with every fiber of my being that our relationship was forever, and I spent 4 years with her being the absolute highest priority of my life, probably to the point of neglecting myself and my needs. She was my life, and then she was gone and I was left holding the bag, trying to pick up the pieces and basically still live the life we had, minus her. I had all the bills, responsibility, the house, the dogs… When I sat in front of the computer and there was something I thought was neat, my first instinct was to turn around and share it with her. Even alone, I felt her still sitting on the couch, merely a spoken word away from me. Everything in the house carried a memory of her, of something with us together.

Simply put, I could not sit in front of the computer for hours.

It's ironic that MUDing was perhaps the last escape, the last thing I held on to that was separate from her, and it was the first thing that kind of fell to the wayside after she left. I haven't done anything significant on End of Time since the beginning of August.

After so long putting someone else so far ahead of me, I had to learn to put myself first, to take care of myself. I feel like I've made great strides with that. I got in the best shape of my adult life for one, losing 30 pounds and working myself to being able to run over a mile and a half a day, drastically expanding my social life, dedicating more time to my band, etc.

Things have been going rather great now… I've bounced back from something I wasn't sure at first that I'd be able to climb out of.

I don't know much the point or direction of this post, to be honest, other than to say my disappearance hasn't been without cause and that it hasn't been without weighing on me.

I miss the community here, I miss the community on End of Time, I miss the creative outlet, I miss the escape. I'm very much trying to find the motivation and desire to find myself, in regards to the hobby, where I was a year ago. I've put too much work into everything to see it fade away, and others have too much invested in it as well, although most of them were gone before this happened anyway.

After some extended time reminiscing and discussing the MUD with an old friend tonight, I pointed my browser toward Mud Bytes (accidentally deleted my entire inbox when I was trying to delete selected things, oops!), and glanced around some topics, and felt like maybe it was time to post something.

But I did want everyone to know that I'm doing well, and that the community has been on my mind, and that I hope to try to work my way into becoming a part of it again.
04 Mar, 2010, Lyanic wrote in the 2nd comment:
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Hades Kane said:
I'm not dead!

Oh yes, you are! Get back in your grave!
04 Mar, 2010, Hades_Kane wrote in the 3rd comment:
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*sniff* okay…
04 Mar, 2010, Cratylus wrote in the 4th comment:
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sup
04 Mar, 2010, Kayle wrote in the 5th comment:
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Bring out your dead?
04 Mar, 2010, Idealiad wrote in the 6th comment:
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welcome back HK.
04 Mar, 2010, Runter wrote in the 7th comment:
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Quote
Back in July, my live-in girlfriend of 4 years left me. I believed with every fiber of my being that our relationship was forever, and I spent 4 years with her being the absolute highest priority of my life, probably to the point of neglecting myself and my needs. She was my life, and then she was gone and I was left holding the bag, trying to pick up the pieces and basically still live the life we had, minus her. I had all the bills, responsibility, the house, the dogs… When I sat in front of the computer and there was something I thought was neat, my first instinct was to turn around and share it with her. Even alone, I felt her still sitting on the couch, merely a spoken word away from me. Everything in the house carried a memory of her, of something with us together.


I know how you feel. I bet many of us have went through something similar. I'm glad you've bounced back so quickly.
04 Mar, 2010, kiasyn wrote in the 8th comment:
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Look forward to seeing you around more soon ;)
04 Mar, 2010, Dean wrote in the 9th comment:
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Welcome back HadesKane.
04 Mar, 2010, Igabod wrote in the 10th comment:
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Hades_Kane said:
After so long putting someone else so far ahead of me, I had to learn to put myself first, to take care of myself. I feel like I've made great strides with that. I got in the best shape of my adult life for one, losing 30 pounds and working myself to being able to run over a mile and a half a day, drastically expanding my social life, dedicating more time to my band, etc.


I'm very glad to see that you turned a heart-break into a positive. Getting into shape is a good way to get over bad emotional crap. Plus it makes you a more attractive prospect for the ladies when you decide to get back into the game.

I'm glad you posted this, though I'm sorry to hear about how rough it has been for you. Just know that you have the support of your friends here on mudbytes.


Runter said:
I know how you feel. I bet many of us have went through something similar. I'm glad you've bounced back so quickly.


Even if he hasn't quite bounced back it's good to see that he's making an effort to bounce back. I know that sometimes it's hard to even *WANT* to bounce back after something like that. It took me about a year after my last big breakup to even want to bounce back and then another year or so to get to the point where I could start claiming that I was ok. It's been about 4 years now and I'm still not quite bounced back to my old chipper self but I tend to be a bit slow on emotional development.

Anyway, glad to see you back HK.
04 Mar, 2010, Hades_Kane wrote in the 11th comment:
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Thanks everyone!

And srsly Crat? That was tiny compared to some of my typical posts!
04 Mar, 2010, David Haley wrote in the 12th comment:
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Welcome back, and re: paying attention to yourself etc., as a friend of mine might say: "Go get 'em, tiger!"
04 Mar, 2010, JohnnyStarr wrote in the 13th comment:
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I think it's cool that you took time to take care of yourself. Mudding should be something that you do if you are happy with your real life. I think the
popular consensus is that MMO / MUD players dont have lives, especially implementors such as yourself. But I think that it is just an artistic expression
of the real person inside.
04 Mar, 2010, flumpy wrote in the 14th comment:
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Just thought I'd stop lurking and chime in.

I myself have had my own issues to deal with,, although my wife hasn't left me they've been pretty life changing none the less.
If you ever need to chat on the PM's I'll be around from time to time, so drop me a line if ya lik :grinning:

Welcome back!

*goes back to coding groovymud 0.4*

Edit:
Undertaker: He's not dead!
Peasant: Yes he is, he'll be stone dead in a minute! Can't you do something
U:Werll, I've got to go over to the robinsons, they've lost five today…
HK: I feel happy! I feel happ.. Urg

:grinning:
07 Mar, 2010, Merlin wrote in the 15th comment:
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Holy crap, Kane.

I was looking around for old information regarding Aargh!! Mud and found your post here. I saw your profile and saw you posted recently, so I decided to reply a hello from… what, 10 years ago? More?

I sometimes miss the original MUD, the one before Native Lands. I regret not having released my code way back when. Aargh!! had some of the most advanced code of the day.

Anyway, good to know you're still around.

I actually exchanged emails with Stoked last year. He's now married with kids (not to Zaria, they broke up years and years ago).

Merlin Medici, the one and only.
07 Mar, 2010, Hades_Kane wrote in the 16th comment:
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Oh wow, hey Merlin!

Funny thing, a good bit of the reminiscing I was doing the other night that led partly to me posting this was about Aargh!! MUD and subsequently Native Lands, discussing things like the Vampire and Werewolf races, your area Wiggle World (you came up by name), and the ton of awesome roleplay we had there. I don't know if you'd remember the player that went by "Bludlust" but that's who I was reminiscing with.

There was definitely some great code, and so much of that game continued to influence my attitudes about roleplay and game design. The birth system on the game is one thing always stood out and something I've yet to encounter anything like on any other game, and something I've toyed with as an idea for implementation on my game for years. I have a pretty extensive Vampirism and Lycanthrope system coded, much of which (at least in regards to the Lycanthropes) have definitely been influenced by things from that game. Even some players have had their influence, at least in regards to double checking certain potentially abusive systems such as charming (Qarshak still sticks out as one of the biggest villains I've encountered over the years). So yeah, Aargh!! MUD is definitely missed by others as well! I still count some of the roleplay we had on there as the best RP I've ever had, even to this day. The atmosphere and everything was so great. I'll never forget us basically destroying years worth of in character work by Orkin, Huldah, and their group while getting "the last warrior elf" Nippon to betray them and join our side, and the entire time Orkin and co. are absolutely loving the surprise and betrayal. I've never encountered another group of people so into the story and the characters that they wouldn't be upset with the players behind the characters when things don't go their way.

Good to see you are still around as well. Other than Bludlust (who is a real life friend) we've pretty well lost contact with everyone from back then. I kept up with Nippon for about a year or two after Stokes and Zaria banned us, but as you said, that's been over 10 years ago!

I hope you are doing well!

On a side note, I got about 10 code changes done and some room descriptions written yesterday… so here's hoping I'm finding my motivation again!
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