The rite of appeasement of Shub-Internet: ----------------------------------------- Being the ritual whereby ones network throughput can be dramatically increased through the use of the grand magickal ceremonie. Ingredients: > virgin CS undergrad (not hard to find) > a sharp stick > 2 large mushroom pizzas > a six pack of ORIGINAL coke classic (very hard to find) Ritual: ------- (celebrant is described here as actor, sacrifice is described herein as data) label 10: --------- Actor: [holding coke in left hand, slice of pizza in right] "Hear our plea! Hear our plea!" Data: "WTF?" Actor: [bites pizza] "Ia! Ia! Shub-internet! Router of a thousand routes! Gateway of gateways!!" [sips coke] "Take this our sacrifice!!" [seize sharp stick and point it at Data] Data: "Eh?" [eyes pizza] Actor: "Ia! Ai! Shub-internet! ThruPut THRUPUT [shout] THRUPUT!!!!" [pokes Data with sharp stick] Data: "Owie!" <GOTO 10;>